Tuesday, March 04, 2014

i'm angry and sad ....

I'm angry 'cause you've decided to cut all connections with me ... suddenly you are not answering my call nor my message ... this happened out of sudden ... I have no idea why ?!!
I'm angry for all the things that you did to me ... the lies, the cheat and all of the empty promises ...
One day you will know what is it like being hurt again and again ...
you've said that that when it happens, you will have to accept the karma but do you have any idea how much is the pain ??!! try it once ... I urge you ... to try it ... feel it ...

I'm sad 'cause after all that we went through, you have decided that things should go this way ...
I guess that you are just another asshole ... whom look nice and pleasant on the outside but cruel inside .... you are just a bad person with an ugly heart ...

Damn you and that guy ... two years meant nothing to you ...

I wish you nothing ....

Nothing at all ....


 

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

lost at times .... just lost ...

    The last photo together ...

i really don't know what to do with myself ...
the more i try to avoid him the more i miss him ...
been more than 03 months now ...
deep inside me still hoping that someday we'll be back together ... sooner ...
this could be a true LOVE ...
am basically moved on with my life but the heart department still hasn't ...
missing him day and night though I've finally have the guts to call him and talk ...
he was quiet ... probably feelings the same too ....
probably ... I'm not quite sure if i should go and find him ...
maybe by talking face to face would settle things or issues between us ...
maybe if he sees me in person he would change his mind ...
maybe ... i don't wanna continue being like this ...
sad ... feeling alone and wanting him soooooo bad ...
i just done know what to do ... been praying, though god hasn't answer my prayer ...
if only i know what to do with this feelings, what actions to take to win him bad ..
I'm just so confused ... i just don't know ... don't know when will this ends ...
so many questions ... wish i know the answers ..
i might ended up being crazy or ... getting lost in this ..
i don't know where to hide ... where to go .. what to do ...
i want you !!!
i miss us ...
i'm sorry ...
let's start it all over again ...
 

Saturday, November 30, 2013

I'm still in pain ....
The fact that he's denying that the guy is Ken and even telling me that i got a wrong guy ...
Evidence on Path clearly shown that he is with that guy ....
Spending most time together and expressing feelings of being love in public
He totally ignore me, not contacting me and all ....
He clearly has moved on ... Why am I feeling this way ....
As much as I want him to be happy, I still miss him in my life ... A lot ....
Perhaps one day he will know how I feel inside .... He will know what I had to go through and how much it hurts ... I've never been hurt this way ..... Ever .....
Maybe god has plan for me but whatever the plan is, I felt that I couldn't continue anymore...
I wanna cry but I can't, I wann die but I have responsibilities .....
How to start work after this .... Why are you doing this to me... To hurt someone you love so much .... Someone whom you used to love and cared so much ... Someone whom you cannot live without ....
Kenapa? .......

Friday, November 15, 2013

been a long time ...

it's true when people said that you will start to write again when something hits you.

in my case this is so true. I need a place to pour what I feel inside ...
well for starts, I've left AAX and will be going back to AK.

broke off with my by of 2 years and this all happened when my birthday is coming ...
sad hah .... well and the story  goes ...

the part where he didn't feel for me anymore, the part where he cheated once on me were all forgiven ... why ? 'cause I still want him in my life ...

but for now, am just gonna leave him alone until he misses me and wanting me back.
though too many questions about why this all happened and what had gone wrong?
why cheat? why no feelings anymore.... I know the fact that 2nd year is the hardest ...
need to survive this and am pretty sure it will be fine after that ...

at the same time, still worried that someone will take him and offer him love ...
LIBRA can't never resist love and care when someone offer it to them ...
I hope that this will be ended soon ..

I pretty much have mistakes as well, not being able to cater him, having fun "outside" ....
It was all because of my own insecurities ...

it was a crazy thinking that if one day he leaves me, I would still have some fling to fall into ....
NOT supposed to do this ...
Don't even know how to continue my life without him ....

the house that we built together, the families, the friends ... everything will be different now ....
EVRYTHING .... I truly don't welcome this ....

 

Wednesday, January 04, 2012

Hello to the world ...




it's 2012 ... year of the dragon ... expect things to be better in my life... i've just got back from PARIS and it was awesome .... shopping that is ... enjoyed this trip very much ... on the another note, life has been treating me good, money wise, work wise and am proud to say that i've settled down ... i've met a guy whom i love very dearly ... met him couple of years ago but my recent trip to BALI started it all...
i know the fact that i've not been writing that much but hey ... i've been ultra bz in the human world hence neglecting the cyber world ... not quite actually, tweeting and facebooking seems to be much easier ...
posh:- half the time only ...

Wednesday, November 09, 2011

oh nooo.....

u see my schedule is bz as always .... i have no idea why i kept neglecting this blog of mine ...
work has been good but me being a typical Sagittarius always wanted something new ... perhaps a change in career next year ... perhaps ... none the less i've been enjoying the time of my life ... from Japan to paris and all over the globe ... my life has been nothing but fun fun fun ... that's the i wanted my life to be ... keep on exploring new horizons and new frontiers ... age is catching up and i'm gonna be 35 soon .... but before that happens am gonna head to Bali ... it has been a while since i last been there ....Bali used to be my fave place in the world before i discovered Bangkok ... which is at the moment i'm feeling so sad with the flood situation over there ... i really hope that things will get better ... as Kylie said and sings ... better tomorrow .... so Bali here i come ... there's so much to write yet i 've been avoiding to write it over here ... oh Love.... is something that i been longing for yet i couldn't find it .... keep searching rain ...keep searching .... ok bye bye boys .... fatty gotta go .... urrrggghhhh i'm still FAT !!!

Saturday, August 06, 2011

half way there ...

so ok i'm so so so guilty yet again for not being able to write on this blog.
So where have i left you guys ... hmmmm ...
so i had a nose job ... yes finally wohoooo !!!! so what's to fix next ...
my brain i guess... not working properly recently ... ugghhhh ....
am looking at other options in life ... feel like trying something new ...
i'll be 35 Y.O. by December ...not a good number ... i may have another 5 good years to enjoy
life ... people do say that life begins at 40 but hey i don't wanna grow old ... not so soon ... so i shall look for all options to stay young ... ohh am still single after all that drama in my life ... i've not been going out that much after i got my nose did ... hmmm time to go out and mingle, maybe after i loose another 5 stone of FAT !!! hahaha not been working out or dieting for a while but hey not to late to start either ... ohhh and i miss partying in BKK ... i miss BKK ... the city, the clubs & the people ... 2 of my crew resigning again ... so to Am and Zet ... good luck buddies ... Zeth was so supportive when it comes to getting a nose job ... Thanks for all the encouragements Zeth .. hope you find what you are looking for in BKK ... well life goes on ..... rite ???
What should i look for in life ? a fresh starts somewhere outside the country ... is there a way for me to get a job in BKK ? anyone knows about it ? tell me tell me ...
well that's all i guess .. for now and only God knows when will i be writing again ....
Ciao !!!!

Monday, April 18, 2011

what is the answer ?

HOW DO I LOOK ?


gosh ... there were so many things that i wanted to write about .... so here goes... U guys were fully aware that i was in in Delhi for a few days doing recruitment. It was another experience for me ... and guess what? more guys turned up for the interview rather than girls ... and off course a couple of cute ones ...ohhh yes and Delhi ... hmm the food was yum yum yum ... i was from Penang so i am very into Indian food.... the Briyani, Nan and Curry was out of this world ... truly amazing ...
the not so good part was i had argument ... not really argument ... misunderstanding with my best friend/colleague/buddy ... normally i was ok with everything but that day in plane... i lost my temper ... i left my seat just to calm myself ... but honestly i miss him ... i miss his companionship ... i haven't met him since that day as i was away to Bangkok ... but we've made up over "whatsapp" ... so Carrie as in Bradshaw was right after all ... there are all kinds of LOVE in this world ... it was not love as in Lovers but a special kind of Love .. sometimes when you are very close with someone you don't cover your true self ... you are so comfortable that you tend to show all aspects of your emotions ... so am really hoping that things will get better between the two of us ... i do ... if you happen to read this ( which i doubt ) i love you my dear friend ... and then there's Bangkok and songkran ... it was not as good as the previous years but was worth it ... i've rebuilt my relationship with my ex ... the only person that truly understands me and still being by my side after all these years ... though last year Songkran i had a fight with him as he brought his then boyfriend to Bangkok during Songkran ... will we be together again ... i don't know ... Aspa once told me that i must not be the typical Sagittarius ... only regret after i've lost what i care most ... when it was too late to tell ... too late to confess .. too late to show my emotions ... so i'm gonna take a wild card in my life and i'm gonna take chances ... from now on ... and i did ... so far ... Maybe next year am not gonna be in Bangkok but will be in Chiang mai .. heard that it is better to celebrate Songkran there ... so i'll be heading there next year .... and thanks Dej and Zeth for your warm hospitality when i was in Bangkok ... and the party at Otoko was fantastic ... what a great K-pop experience !!! and then there's a story about Peter as in Peter Han ... i have no clue if i would be taking the serious road with him ... i don't think that he is the committed type of guy .... perhaps just and FB or a re bounced guy ... i don't know but yes i did like him a lot a one point ... so am gonna continue to date everyone that comes until i find the right guy ... and then ... back to work ... have lost touch for over a week and so am trying to put my head together and to excel at work ... but as for today and tomorrow ... there's recurrent pass in which i must score a 100 % ... phew ... so please wish me good luck guys !!! am signing off now as i need to study for tomorrow's exam ... nites all and keep dancing 'till the world ends .... :)

Sunday, April 03, 2011

turning point...

note to self ... to learn to let go ... to find time/make time to meet friends on a weekly basis... to bring mum out for dinner on a weekly basis .. to be happy ... to take a chance... to fall in LOVE again ... to trust others ............ this weekend has been all good for me, had dinner withe Peter (my new man) and James. It has been a while since i last met James ... we even had lunch today as a follow up to last nite dinner ... and i've introduced him to Peter ... Peter Han ... OK ... all seems good at this point and to finally meet someone i really like from looks to everything is just WOW !!! i've also managed to watch the movie eat, pray, love ... which was amazing ... my X Jeff asked me to watch it and i did ... it reminds me of Bali ... and the fact that i haven't been there for ages ... i used to go to Bali a lot ... maybe i should reduce my trip to BKK on monthly basis and revert to Bali instead ... hmmm ... back to the movie ... i love Julia Roberts ... remember Pretty Women? love it ... eat, pray, love is like providing me the answer to what i've been looking for ... i've been searching for the same answer for years ... and i've found it ... i'm so glad that i finally did ... On another note ... i'll be leaving to Delhi next thursday for five days and then to BKK for another week... i kind a reconsidering not to go to BKK ... am gonna miss Peter ... away from him for two weeks is something that i'm not looking foward to ... it's too early to admit that i'm really into him but i know that i'm headding somewhere with him ... he was asking me to go Penang with him ... after the Songkran ... so Yes was my answer to him ... Posh :- to Songkran or not ? plans have been made and maybe i should shorten the trip ...

Thursday, March 17, 2011

woohooooo !!!

am back ... alive and kickin' ...that's all ... nothing can stop me ....

there was a conflict between me and you but someday you'll understand ...

oh well.... move on GAGA ... haven't i told you that i have a new nick name, courtesy of Alvin Koh and made popular by Suhaila, Terry, Aspa and Eyon ... only Farhana still call me Madge :)
hahah..... funny how everyone starts to call me with that name ...

one of the crew asked my colleague; "there's a new FAE by the name Gaga" ... she said nothing ... and laugh .... LOL !!!

after all the drama for about a week ... it finally ended with me being stronger and better !!! yay !!!

hapy happy happy !!!!